He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
I am so happy to be here to share just a little of my story with you.
As I prepared to share my story I was nervous. I was thinking “Who am I kidding? I have nothing to say that is worthwhile or impactful. What if I get mixed up, confused or don’t make sense? What if…?” But then I paused and realized that was the old me. God, you are now with me. I can do all things because you live in me. I can be myself.
For as long as I can remember, I believed God did not love me. For as long as I can remember, I did not love myself. For as long as I can remember, I have felt unworthy of His love and the love of others. I felt it was based on my performance! I rarely ever saw anything good about myself. I was convinced that I was a failure to my parents, my children, my husband, and my friends. I felt I had no gifts or talents to share.
Hi, my name is low self-esteem!
- I am not smart
- I will settle for less
- I will not try anything new in case I fail
- Fearful of making a mistake
- I seek approval from others. I would say that most of my decisions, actions, and ideas were based on what I thought wold do or say. Almost everything I did was based on what I thought someone would do.
- I have to be strong
- I’m not good enough
- I am a bad person
- When people hurt me, I can do nothing about it
- Please, please don’t criticize me, I cannot handle it!
- I am not attractive
- I have trouble saying no
- I will tell lies about myself so others will be impressed.
- I compare myself to others
- I worry excessively
- I am eager to please others
- I apologize excessively
In a relationship;
- I will put you before me
- You can physically hurt me if I do anything you think is wrong
- You can control me
- In order to keep you I will compromise my morals and beliefs
- If you don’t want me to have friends or family around me, that’s okay
- You are right and I am wrong.
- I have no say
- You can verbally abuse
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I was held ransom. I had no way out of my life of chaos, disappointment, pain, and brokenness.
But…
God, you say you love me. I have been told all my life “God loves you.” I know that you sent your only begotten son to earth to die for me, and that He rose again. And I know that is powerful, and true.
God has plans for my life, Godly plans.
How do you love me God? Show me, God how much you love me; I know it tells me in your word! What are your ways of love that I can understand and believe?
