I seem to have a lot on my mind these past weeks. It is a time of the year that brings out the best and the worst in me.
This past Christmas was one of the hardest Christmases I have gone through in a very long time, if ever.
I started struggling with the Holiday Season about a month before it started. It is hard to put into words and reveal all that I was thinking and feeling in those times. We are not close in my family. There has been much hurt, many harsh words spoken, and much unforgiveness. With all of that, then Christmas is coming and it is a time of celebrating together, loving each other, sharing gifts, having a meal together and enjoying each other’s company. This is not always the case in all families, and this year, for some reason, it hit me hard that our family is not like the above.
I want to fix us. I want us to be good with each other and love and respect each other the way it is meant to be. I do feel I have tried to the best of my ability and with what I know and have within me to make our family work. Has it always been right, and have I always done the right things? No!
I have made mistakes and lots of them. However, these last few years, I have given a try. I recognize my faults and I am working on those, with help from God. Without Him, I could not change. I want us to be a loving family who can easily forgive. I desire for us to be a family who will take the time to get to know each other, and how we function individually, and can then allow us to be who we are and accept that. A family who loves and tolerates our shortcomings.
I am an introvert, most of the time. I struggle with being around people for long periods of time. In order to rejuvenate, I need to be alone. As the result of this, others might think that I don’t like being with them, or that I am a snob, or that I am ignoring them on purpose. Not true.
All of that being said, I need to be careful not to constantly put myself down. I need to be careful not to believe that all of the circumstances with my family are all my fault, and if I had not made so many mistakes this wouldn’t be happening.
So again Lord, while Satan would love for me to crawl into a deep, dark, damp hole… I will not. I will lift my head and know that God, the creator of all we see, is on my side. He loves me with no conditions. He does NOT ever hold any of my past or present mistakes against me. Some may think this is a cop out, but God does not think that. He looks at me with the eyes of a Father and calls me His daughter. He delights in me. He loves it when I come to Him with everything that is going on in my life, the really good, the good, the bad and the ugly, and wants to help me sort all of those thoughts and feelings out the way He would have me sort them out.
I sit here this morning very much in love with God and all He done for me. He has been with me in my darkest hours and celebrates in my lightest ones.
This morning, I am at peace again. The dark hours are passing over me. I once again know and believe that My Creator loves me.
I praise Him that I know that I know I will see Him one day. We will walk hand in hand down those streets of gold. One day He and I will sing together in beautiful harmony. As I sing this hymn this morning that my dad loved and the Pauls Brothers sang often: “What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see, when I look upon His face, the one who saved me by His grace, when He takes me by the hand and leads me to the promise land, what a day glorious day that will be.”
Followers of Christ have their times that are hard and times that are not so hard, there are ups and down , as it states in John 16: 33 John 16:33 The Passion Translation (TPT)
33 “And everything I’ve taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous,for I have conquered the world!”
I receive that peace this morning.
I have faith that my family will be healed because of Jesus. I will never give up. God never gave up on me.
Thank you God for always being with me for never leaving or forsaking me.
There are no words to describe how beautiful that is!